


A Farce of Facial Fur

by firesign10



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Rimming, Sweet/Hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 22:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16585691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10
Summary: Jared's beard has its own unique observations on love and sex between the J's.





	A Farce of Facial Fur

**Author's Note:**

> A fun little crack fic for my November SMPC!

I saw the handsome green-eyed man come near to us, close enough that I could to see the tiny cinnamon freckles on his smooth, white skin. He stopped and looked at us with a frown, arching an eyebrow curiously.

“What is that?” he asked, sounding rather snarky I thought. His eyes raked over me like a fine-toothed comb. I had to admit they were very pretty eyes, all sparkly green, but I didn't care for the snark.

“It's a beard,” my boy said, like Green-Eyes couldn't understand the simplest thing. “You know, hair that grows on the face?”

“But why do you have one?” Now Green-Eyes was looking all over my boy's face, behind his ears, like I was strung on elastic and hooks. I bristled a little, just enough to show my thickness and length.

“Well, it started as hiatus-beard, but then they told me not to shave it off. They want Sam to have a beard at first. It's because he's missing Dean, he's not taking the time to shave.”

The eyes went round. “Oh! It's a grief-beard! Okay, I like that. That'll work.” He nodded approvingly.

Green-Eyes extended a finger and experimentally poked me. Then he gave me a little stroke or two, going with the grain to feel my luxuriant growth.

“Pretty soft, Jared. Let's just see how this works though, you know? I don't want to get, you know...chafed.”

I wondered what he meant, but then it was time to have makeup applied and my boy to go act, so I forgot about it for the time being.

 

* J2 * J2 * J2 *

 

I knew that my Jared and I hadn't been together all that long, but I couldn't really tell when I became sentient. Jared didn't know I'd acquired self-awareness, but he took very good care of me anyway; washing me regularly, grooming me, trimming me and so forth. He spent a lot of time with that green-eyed man, who I found out was named Jensen. They acted together, hung out together, and even—I'll admit to my surprise—liked to kiss each other.

A lot.

It was a little uncomfortable, because Jensen's lips smooshed all over Jared's lips, and there was a lot of sliding around. It got a little wet, I'm not gonna lie, and I wished there was a little cloth to blot myself with afterward. They stopped when someone knocked on the door, and Jared drew his sleeve over me so at least that dried me off pretty much. Then we had to change clothes and leave, because our driver was waiting to take us home. No kissing in the car meant I had more time to finish drying, and I was in a very good mood when we arrived home.

Once we were in the house, though, the kissing started all over again. It was much more energetic, and Jensen's mouth kept sliding off Jared's lips and crashing into me. I got wet and rumpled all over again. Jensen kept making little “pfft, pfft” noises, which made me feel fairly offended—I mean, I am soft and pretty, so I don't know what he was all “pfft-ing” about. If I had eyebrows, I would have frowned quite angrily.

Jared finally pulled his mouth away and asked Jensen if he was okay.

“I'm fine, it's just this extra fur you have,” Jensen said, ruffling me, and I couldn't help bristling again.

“Oh, you silly,” said Jared fondly, taking Jensen's hand and dragging him up to the bedroom.

They took off all their clothes, flinging them anywhere, and fell onto the bed. Jared pushed Jensen down onto his back and spread his legs wide. Jensen had a big sausage between his legs, which I rather wondered about (it must be awkward!), and as I watched, it got bigger and very stiff. It wiggled and bounced like it had a mind of its own, but it didn't seem to bother Jensen at all.

Since neither man appeared to find this strange, I just continued to watch from my vantage point on Jared's chin. The hard sausage—oh, okay, it's a “dick”, according to Jared--sprung a leak at one end, dripping some kind of clear liquid all over Jensen's tummy. It didn't upset him, as he just lay back on the pillow and made funny noises while Jared rubbed his hands around and on the sau—dick.

Funnily enough, there was some hair around the dick too, where it attached to Jensen's body, a kind of gingery-blond color. I thought it was pretty poor of Jensen to give Jared a hard time about me when he had his own little sausage-beard down there. Humph.

Getting bored with the rubbing, Jared bent over and OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO EAT THE SAUSAGE!!!

Oh, wait...no, he stuck it in his mouth, but he just slobbered all over it. He licked it like it was a piece of candy—i wonder what it tastes like? Then he sucked it in and out of his mouth over and over again. I guess Jensen liked it, because he threw his head back and made louder funny noises, grabbing at the sheets and sliding his feet around a lot. Jared breathed harder and harder, I guess it must be hard to breath with that sausage thing in your mouth. He stopped bobbing from time to time to do the licking thing, or poke it with his tongue.

It was a little rough on me, because I was pushed right into that little dick-beard thing. The hair there was very curly and kind of coarse, not soft like I am. I got rubbed all over with it, and it didn't smell like anything I'd ever smelled before. It wasn't like food or makeup or shampoo, but it wasn't a bad smell either. I suppose I will get used to it all right.

Then Jensen got really loud, and Jared stopped licking or sucking and sat back on his knees. His hand was wrapped around the dick and he pulled on it. I thought it might hurt Jensen, but he didn't seem to mind. I looked to see where Jared's other hand was, and holy cow, he had one of those dicks too! I think it was kinda bigger than Jensen's, and Jared was pulling on himself at the same time as Jensen. He panted hard, and I could feel sweat trickling into me from his face and throat. It was rather tickly.

I was totally unprepared for what happened next. Both dicks exploded! They just shot out all their insides! It was white and gooey-looking, and unfortunately some of it got on me! That was not a good feeling, not at all. It didn't just drip off like water, but stuck on, clinging thickly to me. It made me feel like I needed a good shower to clean up.

Fortunately, that seemed to be a stopping point. Both men were out of breath and sweaty. They lay on the sheets smiling and talking to each other a little. Jensen complained to Jared that the inside of his thighs were chafed, that Jared's beard rubbed him raw during the whole dick-eating exercise. What?! Chafed? Certainly not by me! I was like fur, not like his scratchy dick-beard! Maybe he chafed himself. I was very ruffled by that. He had a lot of nerve complaining about chafing.

Jared sat up and made Jensen roll over onto his stomach. He rubbed the mounds of Jensen's behind, squeezing them and giving them little spanks. It was interesting to see how the pale skin began to turn pink with his hand smacking it. Jensen appeared to like the spanking and squeezing; he made humming noises and stuck his behind up higher in the air. Jared knelt and spread Jensen's legs wide, and another surprise greeted me. Between the humps, there was a little valley, and in that valley was a little bit of puckered skin that had a tiny hole in the center!

I had never seen that before, and it really startled me. Jared poked gently at the hole, sucking on his finger and then rubbing it over the puckered skin of the hole. He decided that wasn't enough, I guess, because he put his mouth on the hole and licked it, running his tongue over and around it, again and again. He let the water in his mouth dribble all over the hole, rubbing it with his finger and then licking it some more. At one point, he started to poke his fingertip into the hole, and sure enough, it started opening a little. 

Oh, he was so busy with that little hole. He poked it with his finger, then he poked it with his tongue. He went on and on with that, while one hand squeezed Jensen's behind and the other played with the funny wrinkly bag that hung down from Jensen, between this hole area and his dick. There was something in the bag, I could see these kind of oval shapes rolling around, but I guess Jensen really liked Jared playing with them, because he yelped and whined and wiggled his behind a lot.

Of course, Jared's mouth being all over the hole meant that I was pretty up close and personal with it too. No dick-beard here, just smooth pink flesh smelling like soap and a leetle bit of sweat, and the intriguing pucker of the hole itself. It seemed to be pretty stretchy, judging by how Jared could get his finger in (the whole thing now!) and his tongue too. I wondered what was in there, or what could go in there. In the meantime, I enjoyed the feeling of brushing myself all over that tender skin. It felt very nice, and I guess Jared enjoyed it too, because his dick was hard and leaking again when I peeked down. I just hoped that if it were to explode again, he'd point it away from me this time.

It was good that my roots were so firmly planted in Jared's skin, because I would have fallen right off when I saw what happened next. Jared took his dick-sausage—that thing was big, oh my goodness—and he STUCK IT RIGHT IN JENSEN'S HOLE! Not all at once, I think he would have broken Jensen, but a little at a time. He just went slow and pushed pushed pushed his way in. I was scared that Jensen would be hurt, but all the noise he made was of the happy kind. I could see his hole stretching and stretching with Jared's dick going in. The skin got thinner and thinner. Jared had some wet stuff in a bottle and he dribbled it all around his dick and over Jensen's hole. I guess it was slippery? It looked like it helped him get into the pucker a little smoother. 

Well, they spent some time like that, with Jensen lying on the bed making lots of noise, his chest all red and his hands slamming onto the mattress. Jared kept looking down at him, pushing his hips forward and shoving his dick into the hole, his big hands on Jensen's ankles to spread them wide. They were both sweaty and gasping about how they loved each other, and how good it was, and so on. 

I got a little bored at that point. All I could do was look down at Jensen or at Jared's dick, so I hummed to myself and thought about ways they could groom me for the show. Maybe I could grow thicker! Or I could get highlights. That would be nice. I knew I could be very luxuriant if given the chance.

Then I heard them both get louder and I figured it was about time for them to explode. I wished desperately that I had something to shield myself with, but I fretted for naught. Jensen exploded the white stuff but it didn't reach up to me, it only went all over his own tummy. Jared must have exploded too, judging by his yells, but his dick was still in the hole, so the hole had to take it. Ha!! Sucks to be you, hole.

Jared practically fell over onto the bed after that. Jensen was snoring already. Jared threw an arm over Jensen's chest and then he was snoring too.

I lay there and thought about being the most famous beard in the world. It was sooooo nice.....

I must have fallen asleep, because I came to with a towel being briskly rubbed over me, cleaning me all up. We were back in Jared's trailer, but he was already hopping down the steps, heading over to the hair and makeup trailer. 

Once settled in the makeup seat, I prepared myself for the unpleasant sensation of foundation being smeared all over me, but instead they covered me with a quantity of soft, puffy foam. Choking on the thick foam, I looked up and saw the shiny metal edge--


End file.
